Been missing for a while as I have been keeping my head down a bit, really, really don't want to be sacked for breaching patient confidentiality.

I have discovered how to reduce the crime figures to zero at a stroke, it's really simple, let me explain.

A patient came to our department, police had been in attendance as he was a bit aggressive with the ambulance crew but settled with us and the police left. Patient decided that he did not want to be with us so walked out - no problem, we were glad to see the back of him and he was not in any danger. 5 minutes later he was back, someone had stolen his bank card and it had to have been us so could he have it back. Advised we did not have his card and that probably it had gone missing when he was lying on the ground where he was found. No, he had this card when he came to us. OK, you are obviously calling us thieves so you better get the police to us. How was he to do that he asked. Told to go and phone the police he then said that he had no money so would we phone the police for him? Got all upset when I burst out laughing. Could not get it into his head that if we are thieves why would WE phone the police to report ourselves. No, he wanted us to call the police. This got me thinking, if we could only get all criminals to call the police and report themselves after they have committed a crime the figures would plummet.
Eventually he was told that if we did call the police it would be to have him removed and the chances were that they would believe us rather than him. Last seen he was heading down the hill into town.